The day Jada was “born” was a very emotional day for us. As soon as we heard from our worker that the date has been set for our first visit (induction day for birth moms!), we were so giddy with excitement! The first day of visit would be on our first wedding anniversary, so we went on our anniversary date the day before. We went to Niagara Falls and Niagara on the Lake, all throughout the day, we kept on talking about her, about how our life will dramatically change, how we would act when we meet her, what it would be like being a parent and so on. That night, it was impossible for me to sleep! I keep on tossing and turning, asking myself ,”what if she doesn’t like us?!”, “should I hug her?”, “what should we bring her?”, “what would her first reaction be?”, “how do I keep myself from crying?!” and thousands more questions. That morning, we got ready a little too soon and it left us more time to think, to anxiously wait to leave and just making ourselves go crazy! We were truly excited/nervous/happy!
When we first met her, we tried so hard not to cry and scare her, we tried so hard not to smother her with love knowing she did not know us yet, we tried so hard not to stare at her and watch how she does/say things because that’ll probably freak her out. She did not have a clue who we were and thought we were just visitors. She swirled around, babbled, showed us her toys, went through my purse, grabbed our camera, and climbed all over us, touching our faces. She did not have any way to communicate her thoughts and feelings, and I couldn’t explain who we were. I was SO in love, but I knew it would take her time to love us, to understand that we were her mommy and daddy. We spent over an hour with her and we dreaded leaving her. Like moms who had to leave their babies at the hospital for a little while longer, my heart was broken when we had to leave her at the foster home a little while longer. Every visit, we took hundreds of pictures, savoured every moment with her and every time we leave her, we were sad. We counted days, hours, minutes, seconds before we would see her again. All throughout 8 weeks, our bond became stronger, our place in her life became permanent, she slowly started to trust us, care for us, become excited to see us again and finally, she was ready to live with us because it became harder for her to leave us.
On the day we finally brought her home, we were so excited but we knew Jada was a little bit unsure. Why are my bags here? Why are my clothes here? Why are my toys here? Where is the foster family? Who am I here? Who are they to me? What are they saying to me? How do I tell them how I feel? So we did not make any plans for that day except to chill at our home, get comfortable with each other and allow her to get used to her new home. It was on that day that we truly became a family. Yes, she was ours before she even lived with us but on that day, we functioned as a family. We were in one place, together, for better or worse. Forever.
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